This week's episode from The Dad Corp is with 4x Father, Author, Husband, OCR Spartan Race Competitor, Farmer, and founder of Daddy Saturday - Justin Batt.
We had a chance to speak about his book Daddy Saturday, the fight for ending fatherlessness, and his principles of being an engaged father. It was epic, listen in!
Also make sure to check out Justin's DadBoss Training about getting intentional and unlocking your potential as a father!
Key Quotes:
"One of our principals and daddy Saturday is that far more is caught than taught.At the end of the day, they will probably take more away from watching you and observing you and modeling what you do than they ever will, what you actually try and teach them"
"We absolutely took some stuff from the corporate world and brought that over. I think that's something that we often don't do enough in, in life and in fatherhood. And my perspective is we don't borrow what we know from the corporate world and bring that back into our personal lives and into our family. So, you know, we, we set mission, vision values, dreams, boards, right? We do all those things as a family and we do those individually."
"If I'm insecure about feeling unorganized at work or feel like I've, I'm not living up to the standard that I want to in my physical fitness or whatever it may be, right. That insecurity will come out on other people because it's far easier to push that out on somebody else. And so I may get upset at my kids and oftentimes I'm like, maybe they deserved it, but they didn't deserve to the level that I got upset with them. And the whole reason that happened was because of the fact that I was insecure or feeling ill-equipped or inadequate myself. And that's an important thing for fathers to realize is to examine themselves and have that self awareness to be able to make those adjustments when that happens."
Listener Discounts:
Podcast Music Credit:
Shellem Cline - Little Pink Glasses
This week's episode from The Dad Corp is with 4x Father, Author, Husband, OCR Spartan Race Competitor, Farmer, and founder of Daddy Saturday - Justin Batt.
We had a chance to speak about his book Daddy Saturday, the fight for ending fatherlessness, and his principles of being an engaged father. It was epic, listen in!
Also make sure to check out Justin's DadBoss Training about getting intentional and unlocking your potential as a father!
Key Quotes:
"One of our principals and daddy Saturday is that far more is caught than taught.At the end of the day, they will probably take more away from watching you and observing you and modeling what you do than they ever will, what you actually try and teach them"
"We absolutely took some stuff from the corporate world and brought that over. I think that's something that we often don't do enough in, in life and in fatherhood. And my perspective is we don't borrow what we know from the corporate world and bring that back into our personal lives and into our family. So, you know, we, we set mission, vision values, dreams, boards, right? We do all those things as a family and we do those individually."
"If I'm insecure about feeling unorganized at work or feel like I've, I'm not living up to the standard that I want to in my physical fitness or whatever it may be, right. That insecurity will come out on other people because it's far easier to push that out on somebody else. And so I may get upset at my kids and oftentimes I'm like, maybe they deserved it, but they didn't deserve to the level that I got upset with them. And the whole reason that happened was because of the fact that I was insecure or feeling ill-equipped or inadequate myself. And that's an important thing for fathers to realize is to examine themselves and have that self awareness to be able to make those adjustments when that happens."
Listener Discounts:
Podcast Music Credit:
Shellem Cline - Little Pink Glasses
Daddy Saturday – Justin Batt Interview
[00:00:00] You were saying that you had moved to Nashville recently? So about a week. Yeah. So we've been in Nashville for about a week. , gosh, it's been, it's a whirlwind. So when we were in Charleston, we took the kids out surfing one last time and we're just about to wrap it up. And I went to jump off the bottom of the ocean for, to jump over my board and I stepped on a stingray.
[00:00:20] And I got nailed in my left foot. And so literally it was a Saturday moving, moving on, the following Thursday. So I was like hobbling around trying to pack up boxes. It's just a disaster of experience. And so we get all moved, we get to Nashville and then I have to go into emergency surgery because it's infected and there's a couple of barbs that were left from the stingray finger in my ankle.
[00:00:44] So then we got here. And we're stuck in a VRVO and had to have ankle surgery. I'm supposed to run a hundred miles in 24 hours in Utah with some buddies for a good cause operation underground railroad. So I had to cancel that and then get in the house. And [00:01:00] now it's trying to recover and heal and get unpacked and things you're crazy right now, but you know, it's all good, you know, the longterm, Benefit of being here and the land and the house and how we want to raise our family.
[00:01:10] It's going to be worth it. So short term pain for longterm gain. However, we're looking at it. And I think there's like three questions that just came to my mind already. So first surgery went well. Yeah. I mean, as well as can be, you know, I'd never been thinking by seeing that before and most people haven't.
[00:01:24] The orthopedic surgeon that ended up taking my case in, in Nashville. I told them, I said, I think you just wanted to try treat me, because you want to say you created this thing right. Staying in Nashville. and of course you get a good chuckle out of that, but it was a very complicated surgery. And in fact that the Barb had severed a nerve in my lower foot, completely in half.
[00:01:43] It's a major nerve. So , from my ankle down the left side of my foot, all the way up to my pinky toe, that whole like bottom side is completely numb. It was like, I had a lighter cane in there and then I have no sensation, no feeling. And it'll be that way for probably years, until it's able to regrow.
[00:01:56] And the neurotoxins are so strong that it [00:02:00] really damages the tissues severely. So it just it's slow to heal. I'm doing all these alternative therapies like K laser. I haven't looked at STEM cell, but it was way too expensive. And the doctor was like very honest. No, you could do it, but you're not going to get the benefit because of how the nerve severed.
[00:02:15] So it's like, I would advise against it just wasting your money. So, yeah, it's recovering. It's just slow. And I am not the kind of person who likes to be hamstrung in any sense of the word. So this has been a huge adjustment period for me, just being down for three weeks, it's probably the longest I've been down.
[00:02:31] And, I mean ever. So that's crazy. You know, I only know two people that have gotten stoned by a stingray. One was Steve Irwin, who I did not know. And now I've had the pleasure to meet you. So I never actually met anyone else that's had that happen. And when you first said it, you made it seem like it wasn't a big thing other than the infection, but you must have been in some serious pain if [00:03:00] you had surgery with nerve damage.
[00:03:02]Yeah. So, you know, I admittedly have a high pain tolerance and. it's something I trained for both mentally and physically do doing Spartan races and doing some of the stuff that I do.
[00:03:13] And so I put myself in positions of being comfortable, being uncomfortable. And so I've trained our practice. I do breathing exercises, right? Like I'm used to that stuff. And so I can manage or mitigate through a lot of pain over long periods of time. But I'll tell you, this was the most. Intense pain that I've ever felt in my entire life.
[00:03:31] Like to the point where I was like, just shoot me. about 20 minutes after this thing for about an hour later, I mean, it was 10 out of 10 off the charts just excruciating pain. And you have to put your foot or your, the sting area in boiling water, not boiling scalding hot water though. I had like first degree burns on my foot and it pulls the neurotoxin out the, I guess the neutral license, in other words, another way to say it.
[00:03:55] So neutralizes the neurotoxin, and that's the only way you get any relief. And so it went down from, by the 10 to a [00:04:00] five or six after that point, but still painful, still bad. That's something I want to look through again. And the biggest blessing of the whole thing was my son Blaine was my 10 year old to the right of me, about 10 yards, 15 yards.
[00:04:12] And so I'm just thankful it was me and not one of my kids, because I could not imagine watching them go through something like that. , that's something else. I've never, I've never actually heard somebody have to go through that type of experience. And even in the Cayman islands, there's the stingray Island where you can just go out and swim with them.
[00:04:32] And there's 50 to a hundred stingrays just circling you coming up on your back. And I don't know if they've ever had an issue. So talk about just kind of the wrong place at the wrong time. ? Yeah, exactly. so I got sent off from Charleston with a bang. We'll just say that. Well, I hope, it only gets better from here with Nashville.
[00:04:52] It's a really cool city. I've had a lot of fun there, but Charleston itself is awesome. So I bet you'll enjoy and best of luck in [00:05:00] your new move. The other thing you said. There's two other things you said that, you know, operation underground railroad on that, it organization's amazing. So you were going to run a 24 hour marathon .
[00:05:11] Yeah. So a couple of other dads, and I just decided that we would do this to show that one, you know, a couple of dads can get together and do something. amazing. And at the same time, probably a bit crazy and also do it for a great cause. And so we were raising funds too early. The frozen for the events run a hundred miles in 24 hours.
[00:05:28] Initially it was planned out in LA. And then COBIT happened. So it got canceled and then pushed back. And then one of the guys lives out in Utah. So we're going to do it out in Utah. but unfortunately, because of the thing, race thing, and then surgery, it's like, I physically just couldn't do it, but I was mentally still ready to do it.
[00:05:44] And I'll tell you a cool story. Listeners might appreciate this is I was, after the, this thing, I was still gonna run the race and I just, I didn't even say anything. Otherwise I was like, you can't run up and down. I'm still running. Then I got the surgery a week later, so I we're [00:06:00] like less than a week out from the race.
[00:06:01] And now I haven't really, I haven't run in almost two weeks. I can barely walk I'm on crutches and in a boot. And I go to the running store and I buy new running shoes. I buy all the, all the gear. I buy all my supplements. I buy a headlamp, buy my plane ticket to Utah. And my wife is like, what are you doing?
[00:06:17] Like you're out of your mind. Like, you're not, you're not going to go do this. I was like, yes, I am going to go run. Just watch. and then it was like two days before, and I finally said, okay, I'm not, I can not run like physically, I'm not in the shape to do it. And it's going to cause far more longterm damage.
[00:06:31] If I tried to do it than it would, if I just bile out at this point, I told the guys I couldn't make it. And they were disappointed, but that was that. And. I did that for a reason. I knew in my mind that I wasn't going to be able to ride. I mean, it was obvious, right? I mean, you could look at me and I knew that, but I never said those words out loud because the power of the spoken word is so important.
[00:06:51] And especially with your kids, right? The words that they speak and the words you speak over them are so, so my mindset by saying I was running that race, right. [00:07:00] Something to look forward to had purpose and. That caused my healing to accelerate. So I have no doubt that I am in a better state today because of that mindset and that reframe than I would have been had.
[00:07:12] I just said, you know, I got stung them out or had the surgery now I'm out. Like I literally pushed at the last minute until it was, you know, would have been disrespectful. I am not supposed to know it was a great last lesson. My kids kind of saw me work through them that, and we all learned a lot through these dates.
[00:07:27] Yeah. You know, the theme I think we're going to get into here real shortly is you have four children and you've really went out to set an example both in the way you teach them, but also the way you, set an example and show them ? Yeah, one of our principals and daddy Saturday is that far more is caught than taught.
[00:07:49] And so we can try and teach our kids things and that, that needs to be a principal. We need to do that. And there are so many teaching moments just in life that you can use it for your kids, but at the end of [00:08:00] the day, they will probably take more away from watching you and observing you and modeling what you do than they ever will, what you actually try and teach them.
[00:08:11] And so that's one of my cornerstones as a father and as a parent that I try to. What about with my kids is just to set that example and to let them follow suits and hopefully the positive things that I do and recognize that they're going to catch what I'm putting out. . And you have this great organization.
[00:08:29]daddy Saturday, first, Justin, thanks for connecting with me. And I know this is the first time you and I have ever had a chance to speak. And you took a, a cold email through LinkedIn and were open and taking time out of your day to speak with us, even through some of the challenges you've went through recently.
[00:08:46] So, thank you for that. I've spent some time doing some research around what you've done. And so tell me about daddy Saturday and where it came from in the, in the vision and journey you've been on with that organization.
[00:09:01] [00:09:00] Yeah, I'd love to thanks for the question. so I'll say going back 13 years ago and don't get scared, cause it won't take me 13 hours to tell this story. But 13 years ago, my wife was a teacher decided to open a bridal boutique and, I was in corporate America and we had our first daughter at our first child or daughter at the same time.
[00:09:20] She opened the store. We named the store after her Hayden, Olivia bridal, our daughter's Hayden, Olivia. And, I found myself at home with our two week old daughter by myself all day on Saturdays. Cause my wife was working at her stores and entrepreneur wearing all the hats and fast forward and three more boys to the next, after that.
[00:09:36] And I found myself on those Saturdays now having accelerated up the corporate ladder, you know, really busy, stressed out weeks, traveling a lot in the candle at both ends coming home on, on a Friday or being exhausted going into the weekend. And just not having the best days that I could have with my kid, having them.
[00:09:54] It's amazing opportunity to have them all day by myself, but then not maximizing that or optimizing [00:10:00] the time we had together. So I came up with a plan to create a, an Epic day together, these Epic moments and memories by planning our day, having a game plan and taking my kids either in our backyard or in our community or elsewhere on these Epic experiences or creating these Epic experiences.
[00:10:16] And. Everything changed when we started doing it, like the relationship changed the communication. It was enhanced. And my kids were young at the time, but it just, it just became dad on Saturday. They'd look forward to it. And middle of the week they started asking me, dad, what are we doing for Saturday?
[00:10:31] And one of those Wednesday mornings before school, my middle son, Mason said, dad, what are we doing for daddy Saturday? I was like, Oh my gosh, son, you just named it. Like, that's what we're calling this thing. It's daddy Saturday. And so that's what it became. And we named it and started putting our silly videos on YouTube.
[00:10:48] And pretty soon the neighborhood kids were getting into it and coming over and some of the other dads. And then I was asked two years ago to give a talk, had excellent fatherlessness. And I gave the talk and I learned about the two types of [00:11:00] fatherlessness, the lack of a biological father in the home, which affects over 20 plus million kids in America today.
[00:11:06] And then the lack of a dad who's. Physically present, but emotionally absent the other form of fatherlessness. And I was like, gosh, like that was me for a period of time. And I know a lot of other dads that are like that, and I'm sure there's, there's millions of dads that are struggling with the same thing that I was struggling with.
[00:11:21] And I've got something that can help them not, I felt called to it. And so because of that calling, I wanted to honor it. And so I wrote the book, daddy Saturday is a field manual to help dads be intentional engaged with their kids, give them practical tips and ways how, and then we created an Alexa skill and now a Google assistant.
[00:11:37] That literally will put the activity ideas based on the weather and area right into your inbox or your Amazon cart can make it super easy, how we've done live and virtual events. And then we formed our nonprofit or our foundation, which is there to support the incarcerated fathers, national guard, fathers, opportunities zones, which are low income areas that are being [00:12:00] invested at economically, but not on a social programming.
[00:12:03] And then first responders, firefighters, police, and EMT. And then we also started our fatherhood fellows program, which is our international fatherhood program. And we now have daddy Saturday, Kenya established and, our great partner over there is doing amazing work all across tenure to restore fatherhood.
[00:12:20] And so it's just gone from my backyard, with my four kids as a dad, trying to figure this thing out. So now, you know, we have an international presence and I'm hoping to make an impact on 10 million fathers in 10 years. And then fatherlessness as a result, my hat is off. I wish I could say something to justify just how awesome that is and nevermind the fact that you also have four kids and who also are very active physically. if you're planning to do a hundred mile run with some other dads. So how do you balance all of that?
[00:12:59] Yeah, that's a great [00:13:00] question. sometimes I question myself as I go about my days. you know, I think that I'm, I'm naturally a very disciplined person and that certainly helps me, but what I've done is I just had to put everything on paper, on purpose and just create a routine or a habit that fits into a lifestyle that I want to obtain.
[00:13:19] And so I said, okay, my big goals for the year, I fed them individually. I said them with my wife and then all my kids also set their own goals. And so we have our family goals, individual goals, and a lot of those goals are things that my daily work will ladder up into. And so I wanna run a hundred miles in 24 hours.
[00:13:37] Right. I have to plan for that month ahead of time. And so what does that look like and how can I fit that into my schedule? Another thing that I'm very focused on and I've done this wrong for a period of time. So then I had. So reframe it is I also look for things and say, what is going to pull me away from my family.
[00:13:53] And so if there's something that's pulling me away from my family, that I really have to look at that and say, is it worth it? and it, [00:14:00] and we have a discussion as a family about it. So those are all really important from a high level. And then on a daily perspective, I mean, I just get up early. So I'm early to rise.
[00:14:08] typically wake up around or before 5:00 AM. Do a devotional get my mind. Right. And my spirituality. Right. And then, read God's word and then I go and exercise and it gets out of the way, first thing in the morning. And then I'm there to engage kids when they're waking up or getting breakfast, especially before school, when we were in school.
[00:14:26] And then, you know, I go about my Workday and at the end of that Workday, I'm able to shut it down and be with my family and around dinner time. And then if I need to pick back up work in my second or third day job, which typically is daddy Saturday at that point or helping my wife and her business, then we do that in the evenings at night.
[00:14:42] So those are some ways that I'm able to do that and manage my day. Those days are super busy and they add up, but at the same time, you know, it's a, it's a great opportunity to, every day they have focused intensity and discipline. And when you start to add or stack those days, that's how you get to an end [00:15:00] result.
[00:15:02] we had a guest on a few episodes. Before his name was Keyson Patel and he's the founder of a mergers and acquisitions science organization. And he, and another software where technology called deal room. And he's very focused on setting a goal and then working backwards to figure out how to make that goal.
[00:15:23] I think that's amazing advice, rate that to set a large goal, but then break it up into chunks and it allows you to see. If you're on track where you need to make changes, or if the goal is reasonable with every other priority you have. And that's something that if you're in the corporate world and you've had any project or program management experience, it's almost like project management one Oh one.
[00:15:48] you're from the corporate world. So maybe that's where you learned that skillset. Yeah, absolutely took some stuff from the corporate world and brought that over. I think that that's. That's a [00:16:00] part of it. that's something that we often don't do enough in, in life and in fatherhood. And my perspective is we don't borrow what we know from the corporate world and bring that back into our personal lives and into our family.
[00:16:11] So, you know, we, we set mission, vision values, dreams, boards, right? We do all those things as a family and we do those individually. And those are corporate type of, of strategies and structures that we bring into our family and project management is a piece of those, right? How do you work backwards towards a goal?
[00:16:27] And, you know, w we don't build Gantt charts in our, in our family, or we're not that rigid about it, but we do believe in some of those high level principles that are so, so worthy and worthwhile in the business space, that we just often tend to fail to bring into our home. That's right. And daddy, Saturday, that's a great book. you nailed it. I'm sure I'm one of a million people that afford you that, but just such a good block. I went into your playbook. Okay. The 52 activities.
[00:16:56] You've essentially created a bucket list for [00:17:00] dads on Saturdays.
[00:17:05] Yeah. You can call it that. I, essentially what I did was I took a lot of the zany ideas and. Crazy activities that we did on our Saturdays and, you know, compiled a bunch of those into the app or the Alexa skill and into the playbook. And you know, what I found was that a lot of the dads that I talked to, they said, look, we want to engage our kids.
[00:17:25] We just don't know how we don't know what to do. or frankly, if they really wanted to admit it and were truly honest, they would just say, look, I'm lazy. And I don't want to spend the time to do the research to do this. So I said, well, I can solve that problem again. So you need fill a need. And so what we did was we just brought the opportunity to, Their fingertips through technology or through resources to enable them to have those ideas at their disposal and they can pick and choose what fits their family fits the age of their kids.
[00:17:53] And it makes it fun. and you know, we've gotten great feedback on those. And I think that was part of the plan is to remove every single barrier [00:18:00] obstacle that a dad could have to being intentional and engaged with their kids. And you play into one of . the triggers, fatherhood or dads.
[00:18:10] And you talk about that in your book. You talk about the word and use the term that end B and it's where dads become competitive with each other in an attempt to one up. And I'll just be. Honest, Justin, I went to your playbook and I literally wrote down what I've done out of those 52. So challenge is accepted, man.
[00:18:29] Like I'm coming in, I'm going to get those 52 knock out. Awesome though. Like I, you know, and on a serious note that, that enemy's real and you've turned it into a positive. Trigger that enables dads to be motivated in your bulk. Exact does exactly that to me, like when I was reading through, and then I went into your playbook, as I wrote down the different activities that we have done such as kids, [00:19:00] Oh, theater and kids restaurants, and the cardboard box house, you were bringing so many memories back to me too, which. You know, my daughter is six years old. And as you go through the life, it seems like it just moves so fast, but those memories were so kind of vivid in my mind.
[00:19:21] And it was actually just such a nice experience to think about some of those times that we've had together and the memories that we made. So I thought the activities were great. And there's a few that I can't wait that do that we haven't done. Such as random acts of kindness, that was genius. the whisper challenge looks like it's a lot of fun.
[00:19:42] And the letter to the troops, I won also impacted me strongly because I actually was thinking about, okay, Tivity. And you mentioned, you know, officers in the community. There's so much going on and negative [00:20:00] negativity in this world, and I'm sure your kids are asking you questions or you're trying to explain it.
[00:20:04] I'm trying to explain. We're all trying to explain to our kids and you know, these letters have to be a way to probably also educate your kids on the different functions in our society and, you know, help them start to understand that, you know, there is a lot of good out there in the world.
[00:20:24] Yeah. I, you know, I think that that's where going back to our original conversation, that there are so many teachable moments when we're with our kids. And so that's a lot of the principles in those 52 ideas is yes, it's meant to be fun and lighthearted and playful and. Get dad down on his hands and knees, right.
[00:20:40] With the kids. But at the same time, there's also a bigger principle and application. And I'm glad that you saw through that. It's all the deeper meaning of those activities, because it's not just, you know, the slime bucket challenge or sending a letter to the troops. Right. It's the why behind that. And it's, what's the part of it.
[00:20:55] And there's, there's science, there's math, there's, there's values, there's vision. There's also [00:21:00] things that you can incorporate into those, those activities. And that's how you can scale it up or down to for the age of your kids. And. No. When I look at, our troops as an example, right? I wanted to teach my kids about respect for their freedom and that freedom isn't free.
[00:21:14] Right. It comes at a cost. It's not something we just celebrate on Memorial day or on the 4th of July. Like, this is something where, we just don't do some of those simple things any longer. And I'm like, why would we not write letters to the troops? Or we've done stuff where we've taken 'em every around Halloween we take out pumpkin or we'll draw the local police or fire logo.
[00:21:34] On the pumpkin and we'll take it down to the police station and we'll bring them some candy and the fire station and bring him some candy and drop the pumpkin off. And like, they go crazy over that. And you can just see it's something so small. And now my kids, like they get carte blanche access at the fire station or the police station.
[00:21:50] The police chief has him up in his office and they're getting all the little kid badges. They're getting tourists old place. And, you know, they just feel like they're, they're Kings [00:22:00] and Queens and they have that. And it's really cool to see that, you know, they also get to understand respect for authority and how just something so small can be so meaningful for somebody.
[00:22:11] And make them feel appreciated. So we try to do it as much as possible. And I'm glad you saw that there was a bigger principle to the applications of what you can do with your kids. It's incredible. And what have they said about your book and the activities and your overall organization ?
[00:22:27], it's funny because you know, they, they were on the cover of a book. Like that's really cool. And then, , my wife and I were, for my daughter and I were going out on a trip and, we were going out to LA and we're sitting on an airplane. And a guy walks by and he goes, Hey, your daddy Saturday.
[00:22:45] I was like, damn daddy, Saturday. So he's like, man, I got a copy of your book. It's such an awesome book. And you're like, this is my wife. And these are my kids. And I was like, Hey guys, good to meet you. And like, it was just hate and be like, Oh yeah, you're Hayden and shell looks at me and you know, it's just random [00:23:00] person who recognize me and.
[00:23:01] you know, , , we're not big by any means, but those kinds of things are kind of cool for your kids and for them to get to experience that. But I think they see now the bigger role that they play and they have an accountability when we go places. When we do things to say, look, you guys are part of, of the bat family.
[00:23:17] You're a part of daddy Saturday. You're , held to a higher standard and have higher expectation. It's not the Jessie. Perfect. But like people are looking at you, people are watching you and what a great thing for them to learn, because that is life, right. That you need to have self awareness and be, or be aware of who you are and how you're representing yourself and how you're, how others perceive you.
[00:23:37] And so I learned a lot through that part of it, and then we just have a ton of fun with it. Right. And I think that my biggest goal is I want them to be givers and, and be generous with their time with their talents, with their, their money. And this platform gives them the ability to do that. I think the biggest opportunity will be as long as COVID allows us, we had set a plan this year to go to Africa, to engage with our father and fell over there in [00:24:00] Kenya and to do the Safari and to go do some fathered programs over there in Kenya, and like what an amazing experience for my kids to get to see that and feel that and touch that.
[00:24:09] And so that's our, our hope and our goal is to be able to pull it off. That is a great lesson that gives them a bar to get better and evolve themselves and reach those standards.
[00:24:23] And you mentioned even through your book, you talked about that you admit you're not perfect. And I thought that was very authentic. And you admitted that you get angry and you raise your voice and you wrote, and I'm not where I want to be as a dad, but I'm fighting to get there. And it really resonated with me because when you do see these Epic dads, right, they're the envy dad.
[00:24:48] Kicks in, but there is also this feeling that, wow, maybe I'm not doing a great job because I did lose my temper or I did have that a [00:25:00] situation where I didn't spend as much time. And it's almost in some sense, if you simplify it to a diet where you had a cheat day and you made a mistake and you ate ice cream, right?
[00:25:11] Like that doesn't mean that you're not being successful in your diet. It just means you have to recognize that. You're not doing the activities. That's going to create the success and you get better. And one question, I came to my mind as I was reading, that part is work. Where do you want to be as a dad?
[00:25:31] When you said that sentence?
[00:25:36] I think that that perfection fatherhood is a myth, right? But it's like perfection. Anything is a mess. And so you have to have grace. And one of the biggest things, grace with yourself and grace is your kid. And one of the things that I've found is that some of the best moments, best teaching moments, best learning moments, best cot moments are when I have messed up.
[00:25:57] And I've showed my kids how to sincerely apologize [00:26:00] for how to sincerely ask for forgiveness. that's a powerful moment for them, for my kids to see. Their dad be humble and to come down and ask for their forgiveness and just say, Hey, I screwed up.
[00:26:12] I messed up really bad. Like I'm really sorry. Our relationship is way more important than the results. And I didn't value our relationship enough. And I was too focused on the results and I was critical of view where I was harsh with you, or I lost my temper with you and that's not acceptable and I'm sorry, and I want to get better.
[00:26:28] And I'm sorry that that happened. I'm going to do my best to not let it happen again. But. I'm not perfect and that may happen. but the important thing is that we maintain this relationship. And so I worked really hard on that. And, you know, oftentimes I found that, I don't know if it's like, if you found the same thing or other dads that are listening have also experienced it, but many times the problem is that I've found that my circumstances are what dictates my attitude and my action.
[00:26:53] And so my own insecurities, , my own inadequacies, , My own environment, right? Those [00:27:00] things control my actions and my attitudes towards my kids far more than I want them to. And so if I'm insecure about feeling unorganized at work or feel like I've, I'm not living up to the standard that I want to in my physical fitness or whatever it may be, right.
[00:27:16] That insecurity will, will come out on other people because it's far easier to push that out on somebody else. It is taken utterly and examine yourself and fix it. And so I may get upset at my kids and oftentimes I'm like, maybe they deserved it, but they didn't deserve to the level that I got upset with him at and or the reason why I was upset with him.
[00:27:38] And the whole reason that happened was because of the fact that I was insecure or feeling ill-equipped or inadequate myself. And that's an important thing for fathers to realize is to examine themselves and have that self awareness to be able to make those adjustments when that happens.
[00:27:58]that's a deep one [00:28:00] because that's, that goes to the core of a generational shift in fatherhood. At least in my, my opinion is that. Ability to reflect and acknowledge your shortcomings and then communicate the apology to your kids, something you learned from your father, or was this something that you've evolved through reflection on being a dad?
[00:28:29] So I don't really ever remember. my dad apologizing to me., I feel like I apologize to him. He apologized to me ever, but at the same time, you know, it was, it was more a as I've become a student of fatherhood, right. And as I started to examine fatherhood and the role that I play and the role I play with my kids, I've started to look really deep into this idea of, you know, what are those core things that I want my kids to be able to have core values, core principles, [00:29:00] empathy is one of them.
[00:29:01] Race is another. Right. The ability to ask for forgiveness and to give, to forgive others. And so yeah, those things have all been a part of how I've applied that into my life. And that's like, that's been a big part of that process with my own kids. . It's interesting because my story. Is of an absentee father.
[00:29:26] I'd never was raised with a father. So I was really fortunate to have a small town community. you're from Ohio, I'm from Western Pennsylvania. So I don't know how far away we grew up, but then the two areas can be closed , but I was fortunate to have some very strong father figures.
[00:29:47] And I believe that that is a big reason why, I was directed along the right path, even when the statistics would have veered me off and, and very well almost did in many [00:30:00] times. And my mother for all the amazing moment, social support that she gave me, it was something that I.
[00:30:09] Always yearned for where the father. And I think even to today, it's interesting when I have some type of interaction with a male leader, I almost. Reside back to being a kid and wanting a father just to Pat me on the back. And I go over and above to try to get that kind of recognition. And so, you know, I think having a father in your picture is just absolutely incredible.
[00:30:33] And I know that that's an area that you focus, but what I've been told from a lot of our guests and people that have had been fortunate is that, and this is by no means a statistical sample. but what I've been told is that they. Have changed our philosophy and as fathers, but their father would never have apologized to them.
[00:30:55] That was just something in that generation. You just didn't do like [00:31:00] the kids to the corner. They were quiet. They sat at a different table during dinner. They knew the father was out the work and came back, needed his quiet time when golfing sometimes on the weekends and what we're seeing, or at least what I've seen.
[00:31:17] In my own circle network, is that the definition of a father and an engaged father and a good father has changed over the last generation. Is that the same view that you have? Okay. Very much so. And I think that's where the core principle of daddy Saturday is that intentional and engaged fatherhood is the new.
[00:31:41] The new wave, the new normal for fatherhood. And you know, if we're going to change the next generation as fathers, we need to be intentional and engaged the kids at a level that we've never been before. And that's super important because as our kids are growing up, the, the culture is so different access to technology, right?
[00:31:59] Access [00:32:00] to media. just the pressures that are on our kids today are unprecedented. And, you know, if we, if we were to father, like the fathers in the past, my opinion is that we would not be able to have the generation of kids that we could have going forward because they're going to be trained by the culture and by the media.
[00:32:19] And by peer pressure, as opposed to being trained by their father and being raised by their father and given guidance by their father. And I think that's the role of the father and by being intentional and being engaged, right? You just have all those moments where you can't and teach and train and raise up the kids to become great adults.
[00:32:36] That's the goal that probably every father either has or should have as their, their true North of their guiding star going forward. So I think it is pivotal. I think fatherhood has changed or society has changed, right. And technology has changed. It's, it's evolving faster than I can even keep up with.
[00:32:53] But what I do know is that by being intentional and being engaged, that is the key way [00:33:00] to ensure that your kids have the best chance to go out there and succeed in a very difficult and challenging world. And in your TEDx talk on the fatherless epidemic you use. state, yeah, 49 million kids have fathers, but you posed a question, but how many are disengaged?
[00:33:23] They can shells zombie like figures and you put some stats behind that. And it was very powerful statement. And so you've. Broadened to definition of fatherless from more than just the biological father is not in the house or a child is raised without a, some father figure, but you can have the father in the house if they're not engaged.
[00:33:52] And they're one of those terms you used, they may just be equally ineffective [00:34:00] for that child's future.
[00:34:01] Yeah. You know, it all came from a visit to New York city and I was walking early morning when most people were going to work down the sidewalk and I was there on a, on a personal trip. And so, you know, I was like back and it's kind of taken in the sights and. I watched these figures and they were like zombie, like shells, literally walking across the street to the, to the office and to work.
[00:34:24] And there's nothing is New York city, but that's just the perception that I saw when I was there. And it, it, it struck such a chord with me. I could not get that image out of my mind and. I worked in corporate America and our headquarters was in New York city and Manhattan. And so I've been in many times myself and I didn't go to work every day in that environment, but I just, I saw that, that vacant figure, right.
[00:34:43] And I saw the hour and a half ride of the subway home with the train home and, and that's New York or that's that area. But how many dads are like that? And small towns and other areas across the country, right? Where they just are drawn, fulfilled or unsatisfied. You're feeling inadequate. Ill-equipped insecure.
[00:35:00] [00:35:00] And are just really struggling and they need, they needed some help and need to be reinvigorated, re reignited in the fatherhood and kind of what we started all day was to help reach those dads. And you're right. And we look at the statistics. There's 24 million kids in America that don't have a biological father in the home, but there's at least double that, that have a dad who is physically present, but just emotionally absent.
[00:35:22] And so now those are the dads that we really focus and target and want to reignite and restore their fatherhood. And you're you're you're you're right on. I don't know if we've have a chance to speak about this, but, up until. About a month and a half ago, I was in New York city resident, and now I'm located in Florida and we had our high rise smack dab in Manhattan.
[00:35:50] We had a really nice lifestyle. My daughter's in immersion Mandarin school. My wife's from Columbia. So you've been raising my daughter trilingual. She speaks [00:36:00] fluent Mandarin. So fluent, Spanish, and then Western Pennsylvania, English. so you can figure out which one she does the best.
[00:36:06] Know, we've had our, we've had a really good life. Wife does real estate there and I've been a management consultant and I've had a global career and I'm going to get to a couple of things that your book really resonated with me personally on, but you're right. Like you go to work and you, you shuffle off and I've done it in three different other cities before.
[00:36:26] So it is not just a localized event in New York city, but, you know, I would get into my via and. Ride off and I'll be at the office till eight, eight 30 at night. I'd come back. And most of the time I would try to squeeze a half an hour in with my daughter an hour end before we put her to bed too late, because she should have been a bed an hour earlier.
[00:36:49] And once a week I would get the Walker to school. And then on the weekends I had been pretty. Determined. And for the most part [00:37:00] successful saying bad is my time with my family. And I would spend all day from the time I woke up to the time I go to sleep, doing activities with her, but you know, you get the call, you know, duty calls and sometimes you have to travel when I, and I was doing quite a bit of traveling and it's more than I think that.
[00:37:19] The impact on the children. there's a major impact it's never discussed on the father. And it's unfortunate because it's a, it's a silent pressure that can become on silent. If you try to break it and buck the traditional system. And it starts with things in my mind, such as , the secondary caregiver, what the heck is that?
[00:37:44] Right. And so you're at work and you want to leave at five 30 or six to go to a ball game or to go hang out with your family in corporate America, specifically in some of the fast paced places, such as New York [00:38:00] city. You know, it it's a conversation and it's not, one that's welcoming from the corporations for whatever reason, even though we're all fathers.
[00:38:10] And so, you know, you just have, for me, I've always had this machete just carving into my heart because I never spending the time I believe. And then COVID comes . And it was interesting because at first. It created a different anxiety, such as well. I have a job either. I'm quarantined to this thousand square foot apartment with my family.
[00:38:34] It's horrible. not able to go to my office and I'm going to be distracted on my conference calls. And how professional is that going to look right? Like all these thoughts come through my mind and I had these reflection periods. And at some point I. I thought to myself, how silly, how silly am I worried about those?
[00:38:59] When [00:39:00] I've had an opportunity now in my life to sit here and spend time seeing my daughter, although it's homeschool, seeing my daughter go to school, seeing my family at five o'clock and being able to hang out, being able to have lunch, being able to have dinner. It was interesting how quickly, society.
[00:39:20] Fills your life up with the wrong priorities. And so as you walk through it, and as I was reading your book, it sounds like you've had those reflections along the way of your life and you've acted on, which is just, you know, my hats off. And I think you're really striking a chord with men more than just the impact on kids, but the impact on our own mental health.
[00:39:45] Well, thank you. you know, I, I agree with everything she said, and I think that as men, we tend to be prideful and arrogant and willing to look introspectively a lot. And we bury things and want admit sometimes when we need help. And that [00:40:00] probably starts first and foremost, with our mental health physical health, you can see it right.
[00:40:05] Or other people might notice it. But, in your mental health, that's on the inside. And so I think that that's a huge area of opportunity that huge need right now, especially to your point coming out of COVID and with all that's going on in our society right now, there's a lot of people that are really struggling.
[00:40:22] And, yeah, I'm not immune to that either. Right. We've had a ton of things that have happened in our life. We talked about some of them in the beginning of the conversation. And so, you know, I know I'm trying to deal with those and process those just like anyone else. And I feel like, that's why. One of the pretzels we talk about being comfortable, being uncomfortable is so important because like life is a series of crises, right?
[00:40:44] You're coming out of a crisis or going into a crisis and just goes back and forth. And both, if you are better at the prepared to deal with those things and have, have faith and are diligent with your finances and are physically in good health and sleep well and eat right. And. you know, [00:41:00] do all those things and have, have a strong base in your family and good friends around you, then you're setting yourself up for success.
[00:41:07] Right? And that's, that's so important because, men try to do things in isolation too often. Fatherhood is one of those things, and I believe you can't do fatherhood in isolation, so you can try, but it's gonna, your fuse is going to burn out quickly. And so by surrounding yourself other great men and other fathers, That's how you sustain yourself longterm.
[00:41:26] And how did that pay performance over the duration of your time as a father? And that's perfectly said, when you go back to that statement, you wrote in your book, which you said I'm not where I want to be as a dad, but I'm fighting to get there. You used the word fighting.
[00:41:44] And I can only assume that that was an intentional word versus the others that you could have put in place there such as working or learning. What made you select the word fighting? [00:42:00] I believe that fatherhood is no longer a playground. It's a battleground. And so we need to fight as fathers for our, our role as men.
[00:42:09] You need to fight for masculinity. We need to fight for this father's shaming. That's going on right now in our media. And our society need to fight for our kids and for their future, we need to fight for, for justice and what's right. For those that can't help themselves. I believe that it is a fight.
[00:42:25] It is a battle. Right. And so when you approach it with that mentality, then it, it, my goal is to. To light the fire inside of the fathers that I'm talking to. And so to use the word, anything other than fight, right. Or battle, I don't know what other word I would use because I want men to rise up like Braveheart, paint, their faces and get after it.
[00:42:47] and, and how they show up in that role is by being intentional and being engaged with their kid, by loving their wives well, right by, by being colors in their community and doing the right things. And so, that's why I chose that word. [00:43:00] Yeah, I thought it was a fantastic word. And you just demonstrated that it had been well thought out and very intentionally placed.
[00:43:09] And so you have me excited, even as you're talking about it, I can just feel the passion and it just encourages me and motivates me to go out and just be a better data. Be part of it. You mentioned. The dad shaming out there. What are the examples that you look at, around what fatherhood should be versus the way people are perceiving or shaming others around fatherhood?
[00:43:36] Well, I think it's improved to a slight extent, but you know, part of our culture tended to portray men in a certain light , it kind of emasculated men and , I vehemently disagree with that, that mindset, right. I think that the role of a man is to. Display masculinity. And that's what their kids will model and look for, whether it's a girl and what her future husband would look like or a boy and what he should be like as a man. And so I think [00:44:00] that was downplayed in society to a large extent.
[00:44:02] I also believe that. When you look at the, the stereotypical, whether it's , a cartoon or a, reality show or , a TV show in general, in the media often it's the dad on the couch with a beer in his hand, who's overweight, his theater kicked up and it's like, he's doing nothing.
[00:44:19] Right. And , that apathetic, passive dad is the complete opposite of. Who I am most dads that I know are, and that's just not reality. So it's not portraying that, as, as a dad that they can't do anything. Right. And so I think that, there are some great role models out there now that are stepping up.
[00:44:38] I can name a few. I think, you know, chip gains is one great example, right? He's hilarious far from perfect. but he knows his stuff when it comes to construction and he's an awesome dad and, you know, people like that are stepping forward and portraying what my view of a great data is, in reality.
[00:44:55] And there's lots of those figures that are starting to step up. So we're seeing a change, but there's still a bunch of it out there. [00:45:00] , I agree. one of the areas that Dustin, who is my partner and I are focused on is building a platform around the dad Corp. And so when we're working with suppliers or other marketing experts to help us figure out what's our strategy and our approach, the first question that we generally get is what is your vision?
[00:45:28] And who is your market. And then, you know, what is going to attract them and you get these questions and we have to communicate our vision around the dad core. And I started out now with the dad. Corp is not the Homer Simpson data anymore. The Homer Simpson dad that is unintelligent has bad fashion for health.
[00:45:57] The dad bod doesn't need to be [00:46:00] the beer gut that bought can be somebody like yourself. That's out about the run a hundred mile race that only got interrupted because he's been walking around with some fricking stuff. Stingray particles in his foot and navigating it. We'll try to go through with it.
[00:46:16] Right. You know, that to me is the modern dad. And so our goal at the dad Corp too, is to change that perception from, you know, a dad that. Has bad jokes and just as kind of the clueless person in the house and, and, you know, using your own word as the disengaged dad verse the most interesting data in the world, that's able to.
[00:46:44] Be Epic and I love the word you used. Then you use that word in your TEDx talk, you know, be Epic and have Epic adventures with their kids, but also be successful in their career and have a good family, and then also focus on their health and their community. [00:47:00] And so they create this, you know, it's never a perfect balance, but.
[00:47:05] There are dads out there that have achieved that every day. And I think we don't recognize them. . And then the brand dads as the Homer Simpson dad, which drives me crazy.
[00:47:17] Yeah, completely. Right. And that's, that's what I'm so proud of you guys for stepping out and trying to change and bring brands, other, other products and partners into your, your world in your space who can help change that. Right. And I think that that is there. Isn't a new age dad and the millennial dads can be a group that can help change that.
[00:47:38] And I think it's all of our jobs to help recreate that and reshape what that dad role looks like. And. Again, far more is caught than taught and only works with kids that were still at other dads. And so as other dad, the dad stepping up and doing the right things, then they're more, they're more keen to gravitate towards that.
[00:47:54] one of the things though that I think is so critical and we can kind of wrap on this is [00:48:00] that I believe that the, the role of the dad not to be the hero, to be the guide and too many dads try to play the role that you hero in their kids' lives. And it causes them to not experience failure in their youth.
[00:48:09] And then when they get into adulthood, you know, figured eight different than 28. And so what happens is they end up, not knowing how to deal with failure, not having the mechanisms to deal with failure and therefore it is catastrophic and adulthood. But when you serve as the guide, one of the things that it does is it causes you to lower your pride and your ego and of other great men that come into your kids' lives and to show up for your kids, to help your kids in ways that you can't help them, because you may not have expertise in those areas.
[00:48:34] And so, I've done it to my kids life. It's one of the most rewarding things is to watch these other men come into their lives and give them the experience and guess what it does day to day, it ends up making you the hero anyways, which is ironic, right. And the whole process, but that process of lowering your pride, lowering your ego, allowing other men to come in your kids' lives.
[00:48:53] And show them things that you can never do for them is so powerful. And I think that's the key for all of us as dads. [00:49:00] If we're going to change the stereotype of dads, it's not individually it's by collectively as that coming together saying, Hey, we're all different. We all got unique skillsets. There is no one shape, size or form for what a dad should look like or be.
[00:49:12] But we do know there that should be intentional. They should be engaged and they should be focused on raising good kids that become great adults. And if we all do that and do it together, then that's how we make the change. I love it. . And you have a dad boss training. So as we go to wrap up, I want to make sure that I get this out there.
[00:49:29] Cause that was one of the reasons why I reached out to you in the first place. You've just recently launched this dad boss training.
[00:49:39] Yeah. So dad boss is a seven part video series. So I looked out there and I was like, how do we do ministry to men? How do we create something that can be a platform. And, it really was around this concept of bringing, bringing on demand, access to dads and a platform. So we created dad boss with some partners and it's focused on faith, family, fitness, finance, the four core [00:50:00] pillars of fatherhood and available at dot com.
[00:50:03] Everyone get access to it right now, we had a father's day $59. So that'll continue to be in play as long as we can get as many dads signed up as possible so that they have access to these core principles for fatherhood. Well, we'll certainly sign up from the dad Corp and support you all and go through the training ourselves.
[00:50:22] One, one reflection that came from my mind as I was looking at your product, is it how much money I've spent? And I'm sure others have spent on my corporate career have spent on my. Financial wellbeing and all of those trainings and certifications yet, I had never really invested in trying to be the best father that I could be, or the best husband, which is really the reason why you do all that career and professional and financial things in the first place.
[00:50:54] So it was kind of an interesting reflection I had as I was looking through your training. [00:51:00] That's awesome. Thank you. And I feel like there's, There's a lot of dads out there that have that kind of same perspective and an interesting takeaway for me. And I'll just kind of pull back the curtain for a minute is when I launched this platform, I, I thought, you know, with good intentions and good motives that I could reach all these dads by helping them be better dads and all these guys that wants to be better dads.
[00:51:20] Yes. What I found, not that dads didn't want to be a better dad. This is not what they wanted to hear because it made them feel like they weren't a good dad. And so we changed our messaging, especially with deadlock. It became more about how do you unlock the unlimited potential in front of your children?
[00:51:36] How do you, how do you help your kids handle any adversity that life's gonna throw at them? that kind of messaging is what I found. I started to resonate with dad and maybe that'll help you guys with the dad court too, because you know, at the end of the day, that's what all day wand. And then guess what I give them what they need, which is learning how to be a better dad through the principles and deadlines.
[00:51:56] But on the surface, what they really want is to help their kid [00:52:00] succeed in life and in every day, opportunities. And so that's what we try to give them an ultimate. What they get is a really great foundation for how to be better dads. Amazing, man. Well, I tell you, you've clearly thought through this stuff and the way you communicated makes me realize that.
[00:52:19] There are some really good dads out there and clearly you're one of them. And so thank you for everything that you're doing. One last question we always wrap up on. What would you want your children to say about dad? Whenever they are talking about you as adults one day, maybe with their own children.
[00:52:43] I've thought a lot about this. And one of the things that if you think about like your, even your eulogy, right? Well, what you would want people to say about you? What I want my kids to say is that, my dad was always there for me and my dad was always moving forward and he [00:53:00] was always moving forward as an individual.
[00:53:01] He's always moving our family forward and he was always moving me forward. And I think in life, like life is all about momentum. And my dad was all about creating momentum for our family and for me as an individual. That's great. Yeah. Nailed it. And it's funny, you used the word eulogy because we used to call it the.
[00:53:20] The data bituaries and that was a little dark. So we moved it to the dad owed, which I think is to your point, we changed the terminology. It's amazing how it resonates a little bit better. So just a man on a serious note. Thank you so much. It was such a fantastic experience. I know you're a busy man. I know you guys have a lot going on.
[00:53:42] just for the listeners. I know you put a little bit out there around where people can find some of your stuff, but could you wrap it up with where everybody could find you or where you would like them to go look, and learn more about that he Saturday and anything else that you have going on? [00:54:00] Yes, of course.
[00:54:00] Thank you. So daddy, saturday.com is the hub for all things that he Saturday, a dad, boss.com B O S S is where you can find the dead boss curriculum. And then you can find me Justin batt at LinkedIn as well. You want to connect with me personally and of course, across all the social as well. All right, my man.
[00:54:20] Well, Hey, thank you so much again, it was great to speak with you and, thank you again for just responding and taking the time to speak to a complete stranger about being a dad. So I know you're busy. You've clearly got a lot of things going on, so to take an hour out. It just demonstrates the type of person you are.
[00:54:39] And I can't wait to get the message out with our listeners as well as our audience out there. So we'll continue to push out your stuff because I just think you're doing some amazing things and it's really important that people hear. Thank you so much. It's often spending time with you as well. Awesome.
[00:54:56] Thanks Justin.