Dad Time

Circumstances, Emotional Intelligence, and the Risks of Tough Love with SJ Sherwood, Author of The Denounced Trilogy

July 16, 2020 SJ Sherwood Season 1 Episode 12
Dad Time
Circumstances, Emotional Intelligence, and the Risks of Tough Love with SJ Sherwood, Author of The Denounced Trilogy
Chapters
Dad Time
Circumstances, Emotional Intelligence, and the Risks of Tough Love with SJ Sherwood, Author of The Denounced Trilogy
Jul 16, 2020 Season 1 Episode 12
SJ Sherwood

Trauma experienced during childhood has a strong ability to influence your future. Many of us have had to endure pain or even abandonment in our past. However, it comes down to not allowing a difficult childhood to define us and this is especially true with this week’s guest. 

Jonathan is joined by Steven “SJ Sherwood” Smith, author of The Denounced trilogy. Steven had an especially hard upbringing. He grew up with a mother who was a malignant narcissist, a father who was not present and an alcoholic step-father. Because of his experiences growing up, Steven originally did not want to be a father. He was afraid that the sins of his parents and pain of his childhood would be reflected on his son. 

For Steven, it was a 7-day program, The Hoffman Process, that changed his life. The Hoffman Process is a personal growth retreat specifically for people who feel that they may be stuck in some aspect of their life. The program allows you to analyze experiences in your past for any negative patterns, behaviors or ways of thinking. They provide you with basic tools to help break these patterns that were conditioned in childhood. 

Hoffman gave Steven the ability to accept the very simple thought that he could change. Instead of continuing to blame his past and make excuses, he realized that he had the power to break this cycle, make a change in his lineage and be a great father. He is now the father of a 10-month old baby boy named Caesar. 

An overarching theme of this discussion is the importance of emotional intelligence in dealing with yourself and others. Steven connects this theme of emotional intelligence to a TEDx Talk by Marilyn York, a divorce attorney who specifically represents fathers and speaks on the power of fatherhood. In this talk, she explains how fathers have the same basic parental instincts as mothers. They have a genetic bond with their children however, for fathers, it’s underdiscussed and severely undervalued. 

Steven’s work, The Denounced trilogy draws strong parallels between Steven’s upbringing and the circumstances of the main character, Ned. Described by one of his readers as “Black Mirror meets The Hunger Games,” at its core, it is a story of abandonment and coping with the pain associated with it. 

You can find more information about Steven and The Denounced trilogy on his website, www.sjsherwood.com. All three books, “A Grey Sun,” “Shifting Horizons,” and “Creaking Dawn” can be purchased on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Books, Apple Books and Kobo. 

3 Key Takeaways from the Discussion:

1. “Circumstances and what other people do to you can make you something that you’re not.” For Steven, it was his childhood experiences and interactions with his parents that caused him to originally not want to be a father. However, through self-reflection and discovery, he understood that this was all fear based. It was ultimately his choice to not let his past experiences ruin his future.  


2. Emotional intelligence is an incredibly important skill to teach your children and navigate through your own life. Possessing the ability to manage and understand your emotions can affect how you interact with yourself and others. Whether it be in the workplace or disciplining your children, emotional intelligence is essential for building and maintaining quality relationships.  

 

3. Tough love isn’t always the answer. Using tough love on your children is the easy route because it doesn’t require much consideration or thinking. It’s often an emotional driven reaction that can actually hinder your child’s development if done improperly. 

Show Notes

Trauma experienced during childhood has a strong ability to influence your future. Many of us have had to endure pain or even abandonment in our past. However, it comes down to not allowing a difficult childhood to define us and this is especially true with this week’s guest. 

Jonathan is joined by Steven “SJ Sherwood” Smith, author of The Denounced trilogy. Steven had an especially hard upbringing. He grew up with a mother who was a malignant narcissist, a father who was not present and an alcoholic step-father. Because of his experiences growing up, Steven originally did not want to be a father. He was afraid that the sins of his parents and pain of his childhood would be reflected on his son. 

For Steven, it was a 7-day program, The Hoffman Process, that changed his life. The Hoffman Process is a personal growth retreat specifically for people who feel that they may be stuck in some aspect of their life. The program allows you to analyze experiences in your past for any negative patterns, behaviors or ways of thinking. They provide you with basic tools to help break these patterns that were conditioned in childhood. 

Hoffman gave Steven the ability to accept the very simple thought that he could change. Instead of continuing to blame his past and make excuses, he realized that he had the power to break this cycle, make a change in his lineage and be a great father. He is now the father of a 10-month old baby boy named Caesar. 

An overarching theme of this discussion is the importance of emotional intelligence in dealing with yourself and others. Steven connects this theme of emotional intelligence to a TEDx Talk by Marilyn York, a divorce attorney who specifically represents fathers and speaks on the power of fatherhood. In this talk, she explains how fathers have the same basic parental instincts as mothers. They have a genetic bond with their children however, for fathers, it’s underdiscussed and severely undervalued. 

Steven’s work, The Denounced trilogy draws strong parallels between Steven’s upbringing and the circumstances of the main character, Ned. Described by one of his readers as “Black Mirror meets The Hunger Games,” at its core, it is a story of abandonment and coping with the pain associated with it. 

You can find more information about Steven and The Denounced trilogy on his website, www.sjsherwood.com. All three books, “A Grey Sun,” “Shifting Horizons,” and “Creaking Dawn” can be purchased on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Google Books, Apple Books and Kobo. 

3 Key Takeaways from the Discussion:

1. “Circumstances and what other people do to you can make you something that you’re not.” For Steven, it was his childhood experiences and interactions with his parents that caused him to originally not want to be a father. However, through self-reflection and discovery, he understood that this was all fear based. It was ultimately his choice to not let his past experiences ruin his future.  


2. Emotional intelligence is an incredibly important skill to teach your children and navigate through your own life. Possessing the ability to manage and understand your emotions can affect how you interact with yourself and others. Whether it be in the workplace or disciplining your children, emotional intelligence is essential for building and maintaining quality relationships.  

 

3. Tough love isn’t always the answer. Using tough love on your children is the easy route because it doesn’t require much consideration or thinking. It’s often an emotional driven reaction that can actually hinder your child’s development if done improperly.